Left Turns

About a month ago my brother made the remark, "I hate this. Everything is going to be different after this." It would be cathartic to explain the situation in detail, but there are other people involved, so it would not be fair to them. My hope is you don't have to have the details to know the kind of situation he was talking about, and maybe your own experience will be enough to allow the rest of this to make some sense.

Alex was talking about one of those situations with which everyone is familiar, where the brokenness of the world becomes evident, and the only choices remaining are bad ones. One of those human tragedies that sometimes come about as a direct result of our own decisions, and other times, they just happen. Out of nowhere life just takes a left turn. 

It seems like since the start of 2010, our family has had one of those moments every few days. There have been constant reminders of the consequences of sin, and we seem to have been right in the middle of all of them.

In times like this my instinct is to embrace self pity, and confusion; it is to wonder at the goodness of God in the face of the vileness of life. In short, my inclination is to react in pride, and sin, as though my desires and my happiness, and my version of "right" are the defining measure of the world. When I hurt, it is so easy to shrink God. It is a reflex to belittle Him, to regard Him as my servant and to consider the daily graces I take for granted as simply His duty.

In those moments the truth I become blind to is that behind, around, and in every hurt that has come my way, there are gracious gifts I have taken for granted. With family, the image of God in the people I love is the source of my affection for them, if I never loved them, their circumstances would not cause me pain. The simple reality of being able to wake up on a day where I receive bad news is a blessing. Being able to hear and understand the words that communicate the burden is a blessing. On a larger scale, being born a man consecrated to war against and minister to the pain and suffering in this world through faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus, AND to be an active agent in Christ's reconciliation of the world through the lives of those most dear to me, is a blessing. 

I wouldn't wish to suffocate rather than suffer this time, nor would I wish to be blind, deaf, or dumb rather than shoulder my cross. I don't wish to forsake my salvation because of this pain, and I don't wish to be helpless in the face of the hurt brought on those I love. I don't wish to lose the rich complicated blessing of that love, to spare myself the pain inherent in the relationship. God is telling a story. Our lives are part of it. They aren't the purpose of it.

He is the Alpha, and Omega. All things find their beginning and end in God. His love and mercy blot out our transgressions, we find our joy in singing the praises of His grace. He is the purpose. I AM, He Is.

As for me, I am simply alive now and gone tomorrow. Mine is a shallow reality, and it would be a shallow life that found its purpose in me.

The capstone in all of this is, if you take enough left turns you can actually go from being lost to being right where you want to be. It is not lost on me that I remain His and continue to receive daily blessings despite my sinful bent, nor is it forgotten that others may come to know Him or love Him more through their own tribulation. This omnipresent kinetic redemption is the greatest victory of the cross, and most evident proof of God's mercy in this life. It is the true Ministry of Reconciliation constantly renewing all things to the righteousness of Christ, and sparing us from the repercussions of our rebellion.

It brings me great encouragement to confess, and remember this in writing.